Yes, the English language is weird—thank goodness.
It was fantastically annoying (at least, to me) to have suffered a smug smirk when I mispronounced the name of a local town “co-gen-ho”. I was told, “Actually, that’s pronounced ‘kuk-noh'”. How is ‘kuk-noh’ spelt? Why, “Cogenhoe”, of course. 🙄
On the other hand, now that I have learnt how to “correctly” pronounce Cogenhoe, I can be the smug one. Lovely!
Anyone who uses it seriously understands that English is indisputably a weird language. There’s the fact of its whimsical spelling, its deliciously bonkers grammar, its fantastically perplexing vocabulary and intriguingly nonsensical rules of pronunciation. I won’t even mention the presence of annoyingly persistent Americanisms.
A word game to intimidate the timid.
In how many ways can the word ‘only’ be added to the following sentence?
She told him that she loved him.
An adorably kooky language
Eggplant – it’s not an egg, doesn’t produce eggs
Pineapple – it’s not an apple, doesn’t grow apples
Hamburger – doesn’t contain ham, it’s made of beef
Guinea pig – not from Guinea, nor is it a pig
Oh well, English is like that. 😉
Things English speakers know, but mightn’t be able to explain.
We order adjectival word lists! If you were to come up to me and say, “Little green men”, I’d think you were speaking about Martians, or some other flavour of alien being. However, if you came up to me and said, “Green little men”, I’d think you don’t speak English very well and might be in fact a little green man in disguise.
Test yourself:
- She found a/an ____ book in a cupboard
a. old, dusty, Jazz
b. Jazz, dusty, old
c. dusty, Jazz, old - She walked into a wall because she was distracted by a/an ____ dog.
a. tiny, adorable, brown
b. tiny, brown, adorable
c. adorable, tiny, brown - She was astonished when the tennis champion arrived wearing a/an ____ suit.
a. cashmere, blue, antique
b. antique, blue, cashmere
c. blue, antique, cashmere - She made a/an ____ doll house for the little girl.
a. wooden, yellow, cute
b. cute, wooden, yellow
c. cute, yellow, wooden
Apparently, adjectives should appear in the following order:
opinion, size, age, shape, colour, origin, material, purpose.
Well, I don’t know about all that. For me, a list of adjectives just has to sound right.
Going by the “rules”, the answer to question four in the quiz above is correct, but for me, I’d always say, “cute, wooden, yellow”. (However, just to complicate matters and throw you a curve ball—to borrow an Americanism 😜—I’d never say, “big, brick, yellow”. Instead, I’d follow the rules and say, “big, yellow, brick”. So, go figure.)
Would you lead by a lead made of lead?
Or, to put it another way, here’s a masterclass in English pronunciation for you:
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Listen to verse 1:
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Listen to verse 2:
Above is an excerpt from a poem called The Chaos, by Gerard Nolst Trenité.
If you wish, you can read the full poem here.