Pronunciation: a masterclass for you.

Posted on: March 25, 2020 /
Comments: 6 comments /
Categories: Poetry, Pronunciation, Speech

No one can disagree but that the English language has lunatic rules of pronunciation, so there’s no need to flog that dead horse. Instead, let’s do something about it, i.e., have some fun! 😁

Below is a wonderful poem by Gerard Nolst Trenité, who has written what is possibly the greatest masterclass in pronunciation of the English language. The poem makes use of several slyly difficult words, and I’ll help by including a recording for each stanza. 1 With practice, soon enough you’ll be pronouncing English as well as Her Majesty herself…

  • corps – a distinct military unit established for a particular reason.
  • sward – a grassy parcel of land.
  • plague – a widespread disease which causes the death of many people.
  • ague – fever, accompanied by shivering or ‘chills’.
  • cloven – split in two, like the hooves (“feet”) of cows and goats.
  • script – can mean either handwritten text, or else ‘script’ can refer to documents.
  • Terpsichore – a Muse (one of the nine goddesses of music, song and dance in Greek mythology). Terpsichore is the goddess of dance.
  • topsails – plural of topsail, which is a type of sail on a sailing ship.
  • aisles – a space for walking between two columns or rows of seats.
  • simile – a type of comparison between different things in English. For example, “as busy as a bee”, or “as neat as a button”.
  • reviles – to show a hatred for, or to abuse someone or something.
  • vicar – a Christian priest.
  • mica – a type of mineral found in the ground. Mica can be made into clear, thin sheets.
  • anemone – any of the plants of the buttercup family.
  • Balmoral – a coloured, woollen petticoat worn under a skirt in such a way as to show a portion of it beneath the skirt. Note that balmoral–lowercase–is an ankle-high shoe, laced in front. Note, Balmoral Castle is a royal residence in Aberdeenshire, in Scotland.
  • lichen – an organism (living thing) which is fungus-like and plant-like (yes, it’s complicated).
  • laurel – a type of tree found in Europe.
  • Melpomene – a Muse (one of nine sister-goddesses in Greek mythology). Melpomene is the goddess of tragedy.
  • billet – a building where soldiers are sent to live.
  • bouquet – a bunch of flowers.
  • mallet – a tool which looks like a hammer; its head is usually made of wood.
  • chalet – a style of building used for huts, farmhouses and cottages in the Swiss Alps, but now copied all over the world. 
  • mould – a hollow shape from which something can be made in that same shape.
  • viscous – a liquid which is thick and sticky, like honey or heavy oil.
  • viscount – a European nobleman, below in rank to earl and counts, but above a baron.
  • croquet – a game played using mallets (see above) to knock wooden balls through metal hoops.
  • grieve – to feel great sadness.
  • sieve – a mesh (small net) used to separate out small pieces of something from large ones.
  • fiend – an evil spirit or demon.
  • ivy – a type of plant which grows by climbing on other things like buildings, fences, or trees.
  • privy – having knowledge of something private or secret (also, a toilet).
  • clamour – a lot of noise, generally from many people at the same time.
  • enamour – to cause to like or love, or to be filled by liking or loving feelings.
  • devour – to eat hungrily or savagely, like an animal .
  • clangour – a loud sound produced by metal striking metal, like each toll of a noisy bell.
  • foul (note: not fowl) – horrible to sense, either by sight, smell, touch, taste or sound.
  • haunt – to be visited several times by a ghost.
  • font – a container for holy water (Christian). Also, the style of  a set of print characters (technically, a typeface).
  • zeal – enthusiasm, or eagerness.
  • mauve – a colour described as pale, bluish purple. (Personally, I’d just look it up.)
  • gauze – a thin cloth made to cover things, especially wounds.
  • gouge – to dig out or cut out a piece by force
  • gauge – to determine the exact quantity or number of a thing. To guess the character of a human.
  • foliage – all the leaves taken collectively of a plant or tree, or a set of plants or trees.
  • mirage -a trick on the eye, especially those caused by weather. For example, on really hot days, road surfaces appear to shimmer as if covered by water.
  • dost – old English for ‘do’ when addressed directly to another person. For example, old English: “Why dost thou…?” Modern English: “Why do you…?”
  • doth – old English for ‘do’ when addressed to a third person. For example, old English: “Doth not the minister…?” Modern English: “Doesn’t the minister…?”
  • loth (note modern British spelling: loathe; modern US spelling: loath) – old English for being unwilling; not wanting to do something.
  • bosom – the breast of a human, but usually the breast of a woman.
  • transom – a crossbar diving a window horizontally.
  • oath – a promise.
  • victual – another word for food.
  • deafer (note modern British spelling: defer) – to suspend until later
  • feoffer (don’t worry even I had to look up this one; turns out it’s a lovely word) – a person who makes a feoffment (pays a fee for an investment). 
  • zephyr – a gentle, cooling breeze.
  • heifer – a young cow which has not yet had a calf. As only females can give birth to a calf, a heifer is always an adolescent female cow. (Male cows are called bulls; bullocks if they are young.)
  • hallowed – something which is regarded as holy or sacred.
  • clover – a type of plant having three-part leaves. A picture is worth a thousand words, so to see one, click ➡️ image of a clover leaf . (Note that a lucky clover has four-part leaves! To see one, click ➡️ image of a lucky-clover leaf .)
  • leeches – bloodsucking worms. A certain type of leech was used in medieval times to help cure illnesses.
  • breeches – knee-length trousers.
  • chalice – a drinking cup which has a stem (slender base beneath the bowl, by which to hold the cup).
  • principle (note sounds the same as principal, at least in British-inflected English) – a rule which a person always tries to follow.
  • plait (in Britain, pronounced ‘plat’; in other countries, may be pronounced ‘playt’) – a braid of hair, or to braid hair.
  • chaise – a smaller, lighter type horse-drawn carriage, such as those with only two wheels, rather than a heavy coach.
  • succour – assistance or relief.
  • Arkansas (annoyingly, it is pronounced ‘ar-ken-saw’ 🙄)- Arkansas is one of the 50 states which make up the United States of America. 
  • Korea – a country in East Asia. Its northern neighbour is China; its Western neighbour is Russia. Korea has been divided into two countries since 1945.
  • psalm – a sacred song. (‘The Psalms’ is the shortened name for the biblical text, ‘The Book of Psalms’.)
  • malaria – a mosquito-carried disease which induces fever and a serious sickness. It can be fatal.
  • cleanse – to clean.
  • doctrine – one or more principles (see above) held by a group, a religion or an institution.
  • turpentine – a type of tree, the oil from which evaporates rapidly and is easy to set alight.
  • marine – of the sea or relating to the sea.
  • dandelion – a yellow-flowered type of weed. To see a dandelion, click ➡️ image of dandelion weeds and flowers .
  • battalion – a military unit with a headquarters which is in command of at least two companies of troops. (A military company is a unit of between 80 and 150 soldiers.)
  • ally – a person working together with other people for a common cause; a country working together with other countries for a common cause.
  • aye – another word for ‘yes’. To me, this is archaic (meaning old-fashioned). However, ‘aye’ is in everyday use in northern England and Scotland.
  • whey – the watery part of milk.
  • aver – to declare something as being true.
  • skein – a length of thread or hair wound around a reel.
  • heron (not heroin! heroin is a highly addictive and dangerous drug; please don’t mess around with drugs!) –  a long-necked bird with a long, tapering bill. To see one, click ➡️ an image of a heron .
  • granary – a building or structure in which grain is stored.
  • canary (note, be careful! This is not ‘cannery’; a factory which makes cans of food) – a small yellow bird; one of the biological family of finches.
  • crevice – a crack-like opening, usually refers to an opening in rock.
  • aerie – a bird’s nest or a building in a high place.
  • preface – the first part of a speech or book; also, the part of something which marks the beginning of the rest of it.
  • efface – to remove completely; to erase totally.
  • phlegm (pronounced ‘flem’; yes, it’s annoying 🙄) – mucus from the nostrils, often formed when a person has a cold, or has been in cold weather.
  • phlegmatic (pronounced ‘flegmatic’) – calm, not easily excited.
  • verging – approaching, or on the edge of something.
  • joust – in olden times, a type of combat between two knights on horseback. Nowadays, it means to compete (usually verbally) against someone else.  Click here to see ➡️ an example of two knights jousting .
  • scour – to clean by hard rubbing with a rough material.
  • scourging – to beat with a whip.
  • ere – before.
  • Psyche (note the capital ‘P’) – in Roman myth, a princess with whom Cupid (the god of  love) fell in love. In psychology, psyche (with a small ‘p’) is a technical term.
  • paling – a fence made of pales (or pickets). Each vertical stake in a paling is a pale, or picket. Click here to see ➡️ an example of a paling .
  • spikey – an archaic (meaning old-fashioned) spelling of ‘spiky’. It means having a spike, or spikes, which are sharp-pointed, nail-like objects.
  • groats (I had to look up this one too) – wheat or oats broken into fragments.
  • grits (I knew only that Americans eat what seems to be lots of it) – ground corn.
  • abyss – a deep, seemingly endless space or hole.
  • strewn – scattered around.
  • stowed – stored (put away) in an orderly manner. Often used in relation to things on ships.
  • solace – to give or find comfort whilst in sorrow.
  • gunwale (pronounced ‘gunnel’) – a part of a vessel which travels on water. It’s easier to show you than to explain it, so click here to see ➡️ an example of a gunwale .
  • Islington – a borough (in the UK, an area which is represented in Parliament by an MP) of North London.
  • Isle of Wight – an island off the south coast of England, not far from Portsmouth. Fun fact: I schooled there, in Bembridge. Loved it. 😊❤️️
  • verdict – a decision.  In court, a judgment reached by a jury or one or more judges.
  • indict (pronounced ‘indahyt’ 😥) – to accuse someone by legal means (rather than just by saying so). 
  • Hiccough (note also spelt ‘hiccup’) – a spasm causing a sharp intake of breath.

The Chaos

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Listen to verse 1:

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Listen to verse 2:

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Listen to verse 3:

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Listen to verse 4:

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhymes with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Listen to verse 5:

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Listen to verse 6:

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Listen to verse 7:

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Listen to verse 8:

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Listen to verse 9:

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Listen to verse 10:

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Listen to verse 11:

Finally, which rhymes with enough?
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is give it up!
Listen to verse 12:

 

Footnotes
  1. If you can’t find any recordings, I may not have made them yet, or something might have happened to the online storage site. Please send me an email if the problem persists.[↩]

6 comments

  • Randy Baker

    These are great. I have done some English tutoring in the past and still help people on an informal basis, occasionally. I have to say, though, I’ve never seen this poem before. It seems tailor made for ESL teachers. There’s no doubt about it, English is a crazy language. I’ve often thought that I’m glad it was my first language, because I’d hate to have to learn it as an adult. Now that I’m grown, I have a bad habit of expecting things to make sense. English is the wrong language for that.

    • Tayo Enahoro-Bowyer

      Hi Randy.

      With the exception of being an active English tutor, I think that for the rest of your comment, I can just say, “Snap!”. 😉

      Kind regards,

      Tayo

  • Teboho Lekhanya

    No reasonable person can deny that languages are becoming increasingly endangered, especially with the advent of I.T. devices. It’s encouraging to see people who are doing what they can to teach and preserve languages for the benefit of those who still care. And in many instances, the people who care include those who are not even the born “owners” of the languages! Sad. But please keep it up!!

    Thanks.

    • Tayo Enahoro-Bowyer

      Hello, Teboho.
      You are absolutely right. In many ways, we appear to be racing towards the bottom where language skills are concerned.
      As you say, technology is accelerating the decline, so we hardly know where we’ll be as a society in a few decades.
      Although presently I can’t see how, nevertheless I harbour the hope that things will improve in the not-too-distant future.
      Kind regards,
      Tayo

  • John

    What a great poem, and I love your recording of each stanza.  It seems like great practice for anyone new to the English language as well as a fun trip down pronunciation road for us native speakers.  Even within English, there are so many variations in pronunciation it will be interesting to see how the language develops with technology and youtube/facebook creating almost a common tongue online.  

    • Tayo Enahoro-Bowyer

      Hi John.

      Yes, I too love this poem, it’s so clever. The Dutch author must have been a skilled linguist indeed to have penned this masterpiece.

      Using the poem to teach students some of the nuances of the English language is exactly how I employ it, so you’ve quite put your finger on the button there.

      I don’t know where the language is headed, it seems to be deteriorating so rapidly. Unless we establish an elitist culture and promote a cadre of citizens who will be able to speak the language properly and use its more advanced features, I fear that we will be reduced to a set of transitory neologisms and grunts. 🙄

      Anyway, English is a powerful language which has withstood several assaults in the past, so there is some reason to be optimistic for its future.

      Kind regards,

      Tayo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

 

A clover leaf

A lucky-clover leaf

dandelion

a heron

Two knights jousting

A paling

A gunwale

A clover leaf

A lucky-clover leaf

dandelion

a heron

Two knights jousting

A paling

A gunwale